So From Some Time Ago.

It seems everytime I try to write in a journal, never does it work out. I guess I just cant have one in my own home, online is probably where it would work best, yet I tried LiveJournal, and nothing. Perhaps its because writing down what I think at that moment makes me feel stupid when I look back at it again, I ask myself “why did I say that? Or write that?” Makes me feel inept to do otherwise. Over the summer, I got confused with my feelings and started liking this guy, but now I realize it was stupid of me, since now I can only see him as a mere friend, and how I wrote down the way I liked him, made me feel retarted. Rarely do I ever like a man, and when I do, its vogue, unless I make it clear. Having devoted myself to forget such feelings it seems, it was just as feeble as I knew it was, since from the time I met Jake, that is all I could think about it, never did it accur to me that such feelings would exist, when I though I liked some other guy, never have I two-timed in my mind, merely with my eyes, always did it make me feel a bit guilty at first, but thats how we singles are isnt it? And god knows men are worst then scum at least, yet I always thought Jake was different. Sort of shielded to the reality that is naked to the eye, yet he understand while being sublime to such a feeling. As sublime a feeling that I have come to not experience yet. For we are the same, and yet it makes me think how alike we are. Pureness alike, yet I know we yearn to feel such things. As far and shy, with the chastity of a child.